3 Ways to Recognize Self-Harm in Teens

Greetings, greetings,
greetings, and welcome to Heal Talk Tuesdays with Liza. It’s
so good to be here with you, isn’t it? Today’s topic is
teens self harm and it might be a little bit of not an easy
subject for so many and yet it is something very important for
you here for us, to discuss, maybe we can have a
conversation about it. And for you just to know what’s going
on. Um I’ve the reason I’m bringing this up is so many of
my clients have been coming here and questioning about
their teenagers. I’m getting a lot of kids and teenagers as
clientele. Uh in the past year. So before I go further for
those of you who do not know me, my name is Liza Bubari and
I am an award-winning clinical hypnotherapist in the Los
Angeles area. So, let us discuss. I have my cup of
coffee, right? And in order for us to talk about certain things
like this, it’s best to understand that this is not
saying that some parents are ignorant, some parents are
missing something. But this refers to injury and self-harm
that we are talking about with teenagers is an injury that is
done to ourself. Uh to the body. Teenagers do it. On
purpose. It is it can be of a symptom of extreme emotional
distress and anxiety and it’s seen mostly in young adults and
teenagers. So, in a recent analysis and data for the
Center of Disease Control reveals that approximately 30%
of teen girls have done some kind of cutting or self harm
and approximately 10 to 12% of boys. So, it’s prevalent in
young girls. Why? Because young girls I believe, have this, I
need to look have a certain look, have a certain body, and
if I’m not, they compete or there is this inner voice or
thought that comes to, I’m not good enough. So, when we are
talking about self harm, I put some of My logistics in here.
Those who cut or burn or harm themselves are not necessarily
attempting to suicide. Please understand the the difference
in there. It’s not suicidal, thoughts, or anything. But
instead they’re using a a method. I call it a mechanism.
A way. A method of self-harm that it is unhealthy. Um way
coping with something. So what is it that they might be coping
with? Definitely there is an emotional disease. There is an
uneasiness within themselves. Uh it is I’m not good enough.
There might be some kind of an anxiety or sadness. They really
don’t know how to reveal it. Or you know there is difficult
tension And emotions that they don’t know how to express It’s
they know there’s something off. They know there is
something wrong. But they just don’t have the means or the
opportunity or the permission. Here’s the word. Per permission
either by mom, permission by parents, permission by an
authority figure, or they didn’t even know that they can
give themselves permission to express what they are feeling.
So this form of communication that gets lumped in here, or
lumped in their heart, or in their stomach, we know that to
be our gut. They haven’t found the way to express. So and
because it’s all stored and bundled, it needs to get out.
Some acted out, some become drama like, or it’s that traumatic experience
and if it is something that feels You know some people call it
smoking harmful. Smoking is harmful. But most people who
smoke are not smoking to harm themselves. But if anybody who
was a smoker when you ask them they talk about oh it gives me
a sense of calm. It gives me a sense of pleasure. Well The
same goes with self harm which is the cutting and it starts
with one thing and while they’re doing it, they are
focused only on this one part and as it cuts, although it
hurts, the pleasure of that very moment, the concentration
because they’re hurting and the hurt that comes over here, it
becomes a how I say a double sword pleasure for the moment.
It’s a temporary pleasure. Even though it’s negative. At that
very moment the hurt, the pain, feels and they come to feel
something instead of feeling numb. Instead of feeling as if
I can’t express, I don’t know how to. I of something. So,
this self harm is a way of releasing a feeling of pain,
tension, anxiety, and the traumatic experience. You know,
for so many times, I’ve shared as a clinical hypnotherapist.
What we do in order to change a habit or a behavior We tap
within the subconscious mind which stores all information.
From the day you were born until now. It’s just like this
computer, right? That holds all the information or even your
phone. Where’s my phone? even the foam, right? When you put
someone’s contact information or you store something, when it
is stored, everything is in your phone. So, and then you go
to your contacts to find somebody’s name and you scroll
maybe by the name or by the contact or a title or
alphabetically until you come to that. So, that’s exactly
what we are doing. This phone, the inside here, the memory
bank is the same memory bank as your subconscious mind. So,
when you think about that is to understand that subconscious
mind that has stored everything, it is the emotions
connecting to the behavior, to the habit, good, bad, right,
wrong, it doesn’t matter. So, what we do working with my
clients, either a child or a teenager, does this make sense
that what we do is tap allow them to get to that moment. We
do this technique I utilize as a timeline therapy where we go
backwards in time to find the culprit, the cause, the moment
of when it started. The first time when they do any kind of a
self harm, they might not consciously remember it. That’s
why in talk therapy or in cognitive therapy, it may not
come to them right away. But when we do the hypnosis, the
hypnotic suggestions of going to another time and a place.
We go straight into the memory bank. And as we open the
file, we find the causation And at that very moment it’s like do
you see it? Do you feel it? Do you recognise it? That’s all we
want them to do. We’re not here to say or to negate anything.
But for them to have an understanding. Once there is
the emotional connection. They see it. They feel it. They know
it. Is we bring that emotion up to the surface. And then That’s
where the therapy begins. What is it that you are feeling?
What is going on? Why did we do this? Why did you do this?
So as a therapist, just like a manual of a car, a therapist
cannot change. the client’s behavior or habit or patterns.
We’re just like the manual. We are here to give you
instructions how to do it. We are here to guide you. We are
here to help you just like a self-help book. It is there to
give you suggestions, techniques, tools, workbook,
assignments, for everything to happen. The same way as a
teacher in school. They can not make a child be smart but they
can guide, enhance, and empower and inspire a child to learn,
to have this craving and hunger to do better, to study, to
memorize, to bank it in, and have this, you know, how some
teachers are better than others because one teacher about it
with inspiration. So, what we do or what I do with my clients
is it’s not that you did bad and scolding is I understand
you’re doing this. But let’s find out why. So that if you
are doing this and it’s hurting and it’s scarring you. And you
when they do it as a self punishment.
Not knowin Not knowing how to cope, how to
express, how to communicate. So if they have been scolded, if
they have been hurt, then they are adding more hurt onto
themselves. Because they don’t see the inspiration or the
motivation or that inner inner and guide from the inside
that says, I am better than this. Let me find another way.
And it is very painful. It’s very painful that they don’t see
another way. until there is a guide. This is not about
teachers. It’s not about parents. Sometimes parents
don’t even know it. And I’m going to get to how you can
recognise how you can recognise certain aspects of it. So allow
me to say this. It can come from scratching. And if
something hurts and scratches if there is a pimple or
something like that. And they scratch and scratch. Um and I
know I’m sharing this. When I was a teenager, I used to do
it. I would just look for imperfection on my skin.
Because when I was very young, I had this imperfection on my
lips. And I used to be made fun of. So for years and years, I
remember standing in front of the mirror and saying you
know, even now, I know it’s here. So, with by doing the lip liner
and everything, I can make it better and it has affected what
I call it my lips, the way my lips are formed or something
like that and throughout the years, it has gotten better but
so many come to hurt themselves because it’s not perfect. But
what is perfection in their mind? Not understanding that
there in life there is no perfection in anything and that
is what I teach them. That is what I empower not only our
teenagers but our young adults. Even adult clients. Who have
and continued certain tendencies of doing certain
things maybe not to the harshness. And yet in different
ways. So another one is like burning the skin. I know you
may think it’s really harsh but they do it. And if as a young adult a way of
punishment, they’ve been punished by having a cigarette
burn them or something burned them and at that very moment,
they got attention. The subconscious is not
understand If it is good intention, attention or bad
attention at that very moment when this happened they got
some kind of an attention. And because the emotional
connection of the subconscious to the reality is what you
believe it and what at that moment it happens then if I
burn myself I will get attention again. If I cut
myself. Even though I do it in silence. Even though I do it in
the privacy of my room and I hide it because I don’t want
anyone to see it. But when they see it they get some
kind of an attention. So the harsh objects. The hitting
and punching themselves to a wall. The cutting or even the
piercing of the skin. When it comes outside of the norm. And
you may say but what is norm? What is norm? Right? Certain
things are norm. Beyond that. It becomes some turn around and
say it’s my body. It is my choice. What I do. It
is true. So, but the fact of is it for beauty?
Or is it for harm? And And the belief system that
comes with that is when they come and say, I hate myself or
I hate doing this. And I want to stop.
Or Or the parents bring it in. And
that is the emotional connection To the behaviour.
And to the habit that it’s no longer a habit. It has become
part of a behavior. Part of their routine. Part of their
pattern. We unravel the pattern. find and give them tools and
techniques. a healthier way of coping with stressors. With
their tension, with their anxiety. So, another one is
picking at their scalp wounds and or here’s something that
most people see it. But don’t recognize it. As eating
disorder. You know my book, The Stand Up to Slim Down, even
though it is about weight it’s managing weight. But the
work that it’s in there. The the the workbook That is questions.
That is being asked about food. Eating. Eating habits.
Environment. Your surroundings. From the time that you were a
child in your house. In front of TV. Or being ignored about
food. Or you can have anything. You were forced to eat. Or you
didn’t have enough to eat. Or when you ate I had a client and
and I want to share about something and you might say
this is harsh. And yet it’s not about judging anyone. It’s
about understanding a child’s mentality. Because when we grow
up and this client of mine was 32 years old. looked at her, saw beauty. Like
a a princess. Like she could be Miss Universe.
Missus Missus Universe. And when she
was very young her parents were like a Barbie. Mom. Beautiful.
Blonde. And very thin. Very well liked. Successful. High
achiever. Father. High achiever. In seal position and
everything. Like Ken. And the Perfection Home. The
Perfection. Everything. And she had to compete within them
herself and she was a cheerleader because she was
beautiful. She loved to be social and everything. And her
grades she had to study, study, study. Because in her mind I’m
not as good as my parents. But her parents because of the way
they ate and everything. she felt like I can’t eat the way
they want to. So she would always feel hungry. Hungry,
emotional hunger, and yet physical hunger. So, even
though she didn’t eat at home, she would get to school into
her last years in in high school and everything and she
would open trash cans and find something that someone threw
away that it was like is scorn, like a donut or something
and just eat that. the emotional hunger of I want something that
has sweet. That I’m not allowed to have. All that worked to a
point that at age thirty-two everything she ate she would go
and throw up. Even to that age. And it’s not bad. She was I remember the so vividly. She
didn’t come in for herself. She came in because she saw her
child Her son was doing the same thing. She caught her son
doing the same thing. And that’s when the lights went on.
And her daughter she started giving everything to the
daughter. But the son was refraining. So this entire
months mindset of where is this coming from? She had forgot how
she was at what she was in school. And where it came from.
So to change and help her children so she started. Her
own therapy, Understanding it. Oh my god. Within 2 months. She
felt healthier. The sun felt healthier. The daughter felt
healthier. The entire home. The household. Uh the intention of
what is food, How we eat. Uh the family time and everything
started changing. And within few months just few months,
they said there was magnificent, incredible
changes, and healthier way of being. And his son started
soaring in school and education. And his grades went
up. So when we’re talking about that
a lot a lot of parents have a
understanding what teens go through and they want to
correct it. So, therapy is one of the ways to do it. Find a
therapist I work with a lot of children because I work with
anxiety. As a certified domestic abuse consultant, I
can also see the patterns in that. Tapping into the
subconscious mind and delve deeper into that level, it is a
faster way. By all means. Go to a psychologist. Find a child
therapist. And if you want to I I also offer free consultation
for 15 minutes. You can also reach out to me. But find help.
To help your loved ones. There is another book that I
recommend. It is called what is what is it called?
Okay. Just as you are. And the author is Michael
Skin. And the title is Just As You Are. It is for
confidence building for teenagers. It is absolutely
wonderful. It is a good read. Um understanding I hope this is
all making sense for you. When they are doing this They’re not
doing it to harm themselves. Even though it is harming.
They’re doing it to feel something. And when this feels
good they do it here. They do it here. They do it here.
Sometimes they cut. Under their armpits. They cut under their
toe. They cut under their feet. They cut certain on the
stomach. They cut and harm and cut into or scratch into the
scaps places that most people will not see. Because it is
such hurtful joyful You may not understand
it but it is. And they cut until they see blood. And then
they stop. Until the next time. So the voice in their head says
something like I’m a loser. I want to make friends No one
sees me. No one hears me. I’m not good enough. I’m already
being blamed. I feel shame Who cares if I
hurt myself? They’re already doing
it. So, the voice in the head is one of
the things that we shift We also shift the behaviours
and the emotional connection to what do they do. So, what I
recommend is treatment for the self injury is finding the root
cause of the destructive behavior. Again, emphasizing
It’s not that they intend to for a suicide. It is not
suicidal. It is not mental disease. But condition. And
the condition if it gets worse It may lead up to worse things. But be more aware. attentive. find ways to communicate And even dialectical behavioral therapy which is DBT is another
way. actually I’m studying to be certified in that as well.
Hypnotherapy, hypnosis is one of the best ways that I
recommend, of course, and again, cognitive, the CBT,
cognitive therapy is very powerful. So nice to hear your
live presentation. Hi Ron. How are you? Thank you. Hi Cedar
John. Thank you for being here. So today’s message again is I
see so many of my clients come in wanting to be healthier,
stronger, and better. And find ways to communicate with their
teenagers and they bring their children and teenagers here.
Who are suffering with they think it they say it is a
depression. It is a sadness. It is internal dialogues that they
don’t know how to communicate And they go into self harm. So
I hope today’s message was beneficial to you. Or if it is
resonating with you or if you know someone by all means. I am
here. My intention, my goal, my
mission is to help those who want to make a change within
themselves. That’s what Heal Within is. It’s healing from
the inside. No one can make you happy. Because when someone
says I want to be happy, I say, what is happy? Well, to be
liked, to go, to do things, those are actions from the
outside. But what we truly mean is to find inner peace and joy. Joy from the inside. When we feel joy, when we feel peace,
and we feel good about who we are. Then we can go and be happy. That’s the action. with something else. Be happy doing
this. Be happy doing that. Being happy. Means I have joy within myself. And that’s why I can be happy. So great talk.
Thank you. You have answered some of my questions from my
own teen years. You are so welcome. again Heal within. That’s where
transformation begins. standing up for who you are. Showing up
for who you are. And learning how to speak up. that are bundled inside I hope
today’s message was beneficial and enlightening and hopefully
inspirational. My name is Liza and until next week, I bid you
goodbye, wish you the best for this week. And blessed Easter
Sunday for those of you who are celebrating and Ramadan for
those who are celebrating at this time. And until next week.
God bless you. And may the universal light surround you.