Boundaries – Setting Lovingly

Greetings, greetings, greetings, greetings, and welcome to Heal Talk Tuesdays.
This is Liza.
It’s so good to be here with you, isn’t it?
How are you doing?
How are you doing emotionally, physically, mentally?
And wherever you are sitting.
So today we’re going to dive into a topic
that most people are not talking about it or
do not mention about it.
It’s a topic that can transform the way you
feel about yourself and also your boundaries.
Just like everything nowadays, it’s about our
boundaries, about self, about our
properties, about our community and country.
So no matter where you are, first and foremost, I hope you’re feeling safe.
This can be something that we can talk about.
And we’re thinking the other day, sitting in my car and
literally in the parking lot, when it came parked so close to me.
And I’m like, “Ooh, I can’t even open my door if I wanted to.
And how could you?”
Because it was such a luxurious car.
And I’m like, “Hey, spacing, spacing.”
So even though I am an open, hard, big hugger
and I love to hug and I am very friendly.
But I was thinking something about boundaries.
So let’s dive into this. Okay?
So we, all right.
So have you felt like your space is being
invaded, like whether it’s physical or emotional.
And we’re going to talk about how to set loving
boundaries and it’s not like about control.
Like, you cannot. But how you set loving boundaries for yourself.
First of all, someone says, “What is a boundary?”
And boundaries are this invisible line that
we draw to protect ourselves, to protect our energy, to protect our space.
And it’s just like this is where I am.
It’s my safe space, right?
And it can be physical, it can be energetic.
Usually I like to say, when you put your hand
out and from the tip of your finger, that
space is your space.
And whoever steps in there, it’s hopefully is by invitation.
And although we stand in line and everything.
And even if when you’re in a supermarket or
something like that, when you stand in line,
there is a space we honor someone, we give space to them.
Okay.
So boundaries are also white.
They are an expression of self-respect.
And respecting someone else’s space for them,
because no matter what happens, they need
their space as well.
So we can’t increase upon their space.
How does a boundary show up in life?
How wide do we even talk about?
Boundries aren’t just something that we say no, or asking for a space.
It also presents in self, especially in cultural ways.
We set the tone, some cultures, they all sit
together, they cozy together, where I come from, Iran.
In the old days, they used to have something we call “coastie”.
They used to all sit and there was this
“coastie” that they put their feet underneath it and they had a warmer.
And that’s how they kept it.
But that’s like long time ago.
Over 60, 70 years ago.
And some may even have that in rural countries.
Yet, nowadays there are places that they never
use “coastie”, but it was such a warm and cozy thing family gathering.
It glues.
It’s a dome.
It’s a small space.
Tense in a camping.
Two people, three people camping together.
That is a closed space. Right?
So I want you to ask yourself, “What message
am I sending through my own choices?”
Because even the way you dress, the way you
look, the way you move, sets a tone and sets a boundary for the eyes.
Because it’s so subtle. What the eyes can see beyond the clothes.
So it’s like stop gazing at me.
That’s like, “Hey, you just crossed a
boundary that I’m uncomfortable the way you’re
gazing at me, the way you’re looking at me.”
So the comeback would be, “Well, look at what you’re wearing.”.
So all that is setting a tone of not only how
we create our own boundaries or set a tone of who can cross our boundaries.
How boundaries are penetrated.
First, as I said, family members, partners, friends, children, even animals.
A lot of people, they feel comfortable because they want you.
They may cross boundaries.
So, again, cultural factors can sometimes feel normalize a lack of boundary.
Some in-laws, they think that if they say
what they want or they come to your house at.
Any given time or coming to your room or even
open your mail, check your purse, those are
boundaries that it’s a personal space.
And how do you allow and who do you allow to cross your boundaries?
I often give and let go of the “look good.”
You allow them to do that so that you’re
not the bad person, but you want to keep the
peace.
And I don’t know if you’ve been in that situation or not.
Again, it could be a cultural thing that you
don’t want to say anything to hurt either
the family member or the kids.
And I had a client that she had three kids.
They never had a lock, not only on their bedroom
because kids come and go and I understand that.
But the child, the children, cross boundaries at all times.
She didn’t even have a lock on her bathroom.
So not only her spouse would walk in, pick
something up and you may be comfortable with
spouse, but if there was an issue with the
spouse, again, that safe space of you’re not safe comes to play.
But children comes to play.
Opening a mail.
I think that’s crossing boundaries when
someone picks your mail because opening a mail,
it’s illegal when you open somebody else’s mail.
So why is it legal in your home?
Unless you say it doesn’t matter, everyone can open just about anything.
So here’s what happens.
Because I’m talking about self-esteem,
self-confidence, there is this confidence, your
self-esteem is so connected to your boundaries,
self-boundaries, what you create within yourself.
You may ask me how Liza, right?
So first and foremost, boundaries can be overextended.
You can overextend yourself and this can lead to
feelings of depletion and you can feel exhausted energetically.
There are things around and also it can be a burnout.
I have no time for myself.
It can be another thing that happens is this resentment.
It’s like I don’t know who gave you the permission to think you can walk over here.
And then I know a woman who told her husband,
your parents or your mom cannot just walk into
our bedroom and take a look and he’s like, “Why?
We don’t have anything too high.
The kids come and go.”
Again, cultural.
So let’s keep that in mind and then understand.
We set boundaries from the beginning.
But you have to know when is your boundary before you set it.
When you prioritize other people’s rights,
choices, at the expense of yourself, then
you are saying in a way mine doesn’t matter.
Some methods that you’re sending to your conscious
and subconscious, you see, as a
hypnotherapist, all I do is what do you want?
Then you come in here saying, “I’m having panic and anxiety.
I need inner space.
I need inner peace.
I need space to myself.
I feel overwhelmed, unappreciated.”
That’s exactly the women that I work with and some men, but most of us women who feel
as if if I keep quiet and be nice, I will be liked.
They will like me more.
They will appreciate me more.
So this is why today’s talk is about.
Another one is when you prioritize others at
the expense of yourself, your subconscious things that you are less important.
So why should you have your space?
Why should you be the success?
Why should your body become better?
So all that comes back to self-esteem and your own inner talk.
So today is up, I’m going to show it when I tell.
Okay, so this rubber band, you see this?
Rubber band has its own shape and I like to call it its own integrity because you can
stretch this rubber band in many directions.
You can even put it on something and hold it and do this, right?
It’s better to know that all kinds of rubber
bands, there’s thick ones, there’s thin ones,
there’s different colors of rubber bands, but we know what rubber bands are for.
Just to keep things in place or hoping, right?
And no matter how much we do it, it does not change its shape.
This is the shape of a rubber band.
That’s right.
So it’s better to set boundaries lovingly
before you reach the breaking point and setting boundaries for yourself.
Because when this breaks the rubber band, you
can tie it and that tying place will never.
Be the original.
And that’s one of the things that I say when
someone hurts us so bad that they have crossed
boundaries.
It’s so hard no matter how many times they tie that knot.
You know where it was broken, where it was cut, where the boundaries crossed.
So how can you become more loving and set your own boundaries?
Because this can also be like a reminder when you snap to remind yourself something.
It hurts, but you always have to hurt to remember
how to love yourself and create boundaries,
safe boundaries, loving boundaries, recognize
your limits, ask yourself what feels good and what
no longer does.
Because no matter what has happened in the past, it doesn’t matter.
Starting today, just for today, start with one day, just for today.
And practicing no without any guilt.
No, not today.
Please do not open my mail.
Please do not go into my purse.
Please do not go into my closet.
Even my dog is not allowed to go into my closet.
He knows he can not cross that boundary.
He does not jump on my bed unless I give permission.
See when we do things, hypnosis is nothing.
When I do hypnotherapy, I don’t go and do hypnosis.
Even the random rapid induction in the street
without permission, no one can infringe in
fringe, in your space, or your limits, and your boundaries without your permission.
So that’s one of the things I want you to think about.
Frame your boundaries in a positive, long way.
Instead of saying you’re always interrupting me, I need some quiet time.
I need some me time.
I talk about me time all the time.
So celebrate your wins when that happens to God.
Yes, I did it. Thank you.
Thank you for honoring me.
Thank you for appreciating my space.
And when you set the boundaries, it’s like this empowering yourself.
Truly.
It’s like, wow, I didn’t.
Just like what Nike said, just do it one day at a time, just one day at a time.
Boundaries also do what for you.
They set a trust inner trust for yourself that
I can trust myself, that I have the ability to express what I need and what I want.
And that in itself adds a little bit more on
your confidence and your self-esteem every
single time.
It’s like teaching everything I am doing
today is talking about how we feel good about our inner worth.
So our inner worth is also our
self-boundaries, self-expression and self-care.
At the end, it’s all about you because you matter.
I want to say thank you for being part of my
Heal Talk Tuesday today and remember setting
a loving boundaries is not about controlling.
It’s not saying no to someone.
It’s about respecting yourself.
And if you have any questions about this, if
there is any thoughts, ideas, by all means, share with me.
Do people cross your boundaries?
Have you ever been uncomfortable when someone has opened the door and walked in?
Even my office when I want to have some private time, even this time?
The door is closed. Why?
Because if someone walks into the reception
area, I don’t want them just to walk in this room.
So again, I hope today’s message was beneficial to you.
And if you are feeling stretched, where is that rubber band?
Oh, that’s right. That’s right.
That’s right. Where I put it.
If you are feeling stretched then like this rubber band, let me help you rediscover
your shape, your self, your word, and reach out to me.
Book a session. I offer a 15-minute consultation.
By all means, you can just text HEAL to 818-221-2797.
And you can just book a session with me, complimentary session.
Go to my website, www.lizaboubari.com or healwithin.com.
No matter where you go, it’s so easy to reach me.
And by all means, please, if this message
was beneficial to you, would you please like,
share, and go to my YouTube, become a subscriber
because that’s how I want to share my message
and spread it around.
Again, I hope you enjoyed today’s episode and today’s session.
And I will see you next week. It’s going to be special.
So until then, I wish you a wonderful day, a
bountiful day, and a successful day, no matter
where you are.
God bless you and may the universal light surround you always.