Denim day and Sexual assault

Welcome to Heal Talk
Tuesdays with Lisa. Where transformation begins as we evoke embrace. Evolve. Greetings greetings greetings and
welcome to Heal Talk Tuesdays with Liza. It’s so good to be here with you, isn’t it? Today is April 26th And today’s session is going to
be about a sensitive topic. The topic is going to
be about Denim Day all you see is me
wearing denim but there was a reason for this and for those of you
who do not know me. Welcome to Heal Talk
my name is Lisa Boubari and by trade a clinical hypnotherapist
stress management consultant and domestic abuse. Consultant. So. Denim day what is exactly that day and went is Denim Day and
why am I talking about Denim Day. In 1992, In Rome Italy, there was
an eighteen-year-old girl. Who was raped by a
45-year-old driving instructor. In the car and on her first driving lesson. And took her
to an isolated road and pulled her out of the car. Removed her jeans. And forcefully. Raped her. She reported the rape. And through all the anguish and
everything that she went in through it. The. Instructor was. Arrested. Now, what happened was a through years later of course. And I’m speaking to
it as a matter of fact. And we’ll get to the emotions. In 1999. The driving instructor appealed this. And claiming that. The sexual. Assault was consensual. And the case made it all the way
to. What is called
the supreme court. In Italy and the
conviction was overturned. And the conviction
was overturned. By a court judge and I’m going to read for you verbatim. That. Why he was. Overturned and released because of this. Enraged women to a point that they start aid they made it to a like a awareness of what happens when there is
such as sexual assault happening. And as a decision for that it’s spread out throughout. Globally. Now in nineteen ninety nine. And in Los Angeles this day the statement of the
court argued that because the victim. Was. Wearing jeanss in
the jeans were so tight. That she. It could not have been
raped that she must have helped him. Pull the jeans down. That by helping him that’s called consent. Now. I’m going to read
it verbatim a statement from the court argued
that because the victim wore very tight jeans she had to help him
remove them and by removing the genes it was no longer rape but consent consensual sex and this became known throughout Italy as the jeans alibi. So enraged by the
verdict the women and it’ll Italian parliament
protested by wearing jeans on the steps of the supreme court. And this protest was picked up by national media it became a
global and eventually spread to Los Angeles this. Inspired by Patty Occhiuzzo Giggans, Executive director of
Peace over Violence throughout
everyone. And this day which is April twenty seven the last Wednesday of April has become the day. Every year. Since 1999 Peace over Violence has
recognized this day. As Denim Day. So what happens is women. Wear jeans. Doesn’t have to be tight but it’s an honor of
recognizing who we are and what is assault what is consent and when we say no it means no. So allow me. Allow me to take this moment and talk about something. It’s like understanding what
is assault because there are two categories. Of assault. One is a simple
assault and one is
aggravated. Okay.
And. Few of the most
common types of assault or experience verbal assault. Simple assault. Aggravated assault and sexual
assault. So the term sexual assault.
Really refers to sexual contact
or the behavior that. Occurs without explicit. Consent of the victim. So some of the forms of
sucks a sexual assault. Can be attempt of rape. Fondling. Or unwanted sexual touching. Forcing a victim to
perform sexual acts such as oral sex or
penetrating. The. The perpetrators body. Now.
The types of assault. And I’m going to mean them. One is rape. Date rape. Or. I can say ninety percent
of rape acquaintance rape. Marital rape. Still happens in some countries. Sodomy. And insists. In says
assault. Okay. Now. If we go further in. The types of sexual violence. Are. These
forced abortion. It’s a sexual violence. Forced marriage. Even though there are some
countries and round the world. That still believe. That
you have to marry so that’s. A sexual violence. And
to type of. Violence. That is against their. Wants and needs
but it is mandatory. Of sexual exploitation. Is also one. And then we going
to sexual harassment. Sexual abuse and then rape. So you see this entire category
when it comes to. Sexual assault it can be by by. Unwanted touching. All the way to. Of course
gang rape and everything else. So why are we
talking about this. Why are we talking
about this because. What happen. And why we’re wearing this. Is. The impact. That it makes. So if we talk about the. Marriages that are forced marriages for a
couple that they have to married because of a tribal or a family because of this is tradition. Without getting into their. Of.
Their. Ethics formation this is part of that’s how they do it. We bring that out
and there is young girls being married to
someone twice their eight three times their age.
So in a way the. This female becomes a
proud duct I am giving you this. In return of that. Just the hands giving that is like. Literally selling right. So we we’re not
talking about that and we’re. I’m not here to discuss that. But when does it become. The fine line. I was talking about
this in someone. A friend of mine. Turned around and said
well for some people. When a woman wears
something provocative and she does the act the body movement
daddy’s voluptuous. They are
voluptuous and becomes very sexual and it’s a tease when it’s a tease then if the person has sexual addiction and they can’t
help themselves and they have to. Well here’s my question
that. I understand that fact if you
are being peas in you I can’t help. But there is a switch. When. There is that fine line
of when the switch goes on or off if you
hear the words no no means no not now not here not at this moment not this way. At way no is no no does not mean maybe. And that’s the exact wording. Know. Because no is as good
of an answer as a yes. And no means no. When someone is addicted to sugar
when someone is addicted to drugs. They say they can’t help it if
the drug is there they must have it. True. If the sugars there
you must have it if the secret is there
you must have it if this is there you must have it and
you believe you cannot control yourself and you must have that but that thing. That sugar. That drug. The gamble. What ever it is the thing. Cannot speak and say no. But a human can. And the person who says no. Is valid. Anything beyond that. Becomes an assault. So if it is against someone’s. Unwanted. un wanted. un asked for. On. Invited. Even if it was a tease. Does not mean you can have it. So for some court. Images magistrate. A judge. A man. To say. Then you’re caught have. That it was a consensual. Sex because the title the genes
were so tied you must have out and because you will help that
that means you gave consent. Allow me to say this as a
clinical hypnotherapist working for. With women. Empowering women. Helping them shield better more in peace. Do you know how many clients I
have helped that that have come here. With panic disorder. Anxieties palpitation. Feeling overwhelmed or anxious over weight. And one. Thing. That they didn’t realize. That how much they put on themselves only to protect themselves some. To be so fat. That they become undesirable. Being undesirable to the other.
Sex. To the other person to. The other. Gender. To become so
overwhelmed that they don’t even take care of
themselves that they don’t even look at themselves they
don’t give themselves the time. Of a day to have me time. So that they can journey within. That they are so
anxious and stress and walking on eggshells
without realizing what’s happened and when we started
peeling away to evoke was. That’s the whole thing. Why are you
holding onto that wait why are you holding onto this
anxiety why do you constantly feel walking on eggshells. And if life is so good right
now as we started peeling away. Believe it or not. They were sexually assaulted. I’m not saying everyone. But the ones who come. The ones who are constantly. Walking on eggshells. And having
deep emotional wounds that have not been treated. Trauma that has not been treated
and he can be. Verbal. It can be physical. It can be mental it can be emotional those are of abuse is simply not
talking about assault as a physical assault as a. Domestic violence
but it’s abuse. And so much of abuse when it happens as
a child and we take it on would take it on verbal
when you see it in the house you’re constantly feel overwhelmed and your integrated with that and that’s
all you get to see that’s all you get to no and. Yes. A lot of. A soft happens. But the people we know. Believe it or not. Uncles. Neighbors grandfather’s. Yes incense. So much that happens. To deal with that when you love the person
who is doing or you care for the person who’s doing
and you are told be quiet. Shut up. Don’t say that this is our secret and it starts. With looks. It can start with a touch it can start by saying how to dress
for me because this is how I like it. It starts with so much of. A woman’s thinking that she is become priti
with that person not realizing how they are being manipulated. All that affects every nerve I never muscle every
working every tissue every essence. And he goes to the core of the person. The effects may not. Show. But a gas show. It comes in their behavior. It comes how a woman or a
girl comes to isolate herself. It comes how sometimes just the opposite
they become more promiscuous. Thinking that this
is how I get love this if I am touched than I am loved if I am done this then they want me that I
am accepted then this is so. You know it’s like. Having a drug and not realizing this is called poison vs penicillin. My putting penicillin and my
body because of my wounds or am I putting poison
thinking that it is palace in it and it all comes down to. Perhaps mislabeling. Mislabeling. Misrepresentations. Misunderstandings. But again no is a know. But a little girl. Or even a little boy. Yes. Even a little boy. A little child. Or a young person. And yes it does happen with adults. Today. We are honoring those
who have been assaulted. I am honoring those. Because today. Is just being on
Facebook live with me. The tomorrow is global. Is just one day. And yet it is happening
every single day. It is happening every single. Moment. Throughout the world. Even human trafficking. Is happening. Globally. The number one. Moneymaker in the world. And there is so much of yes we are bringing awareness. To that we are bringing awareness to rape we are bringing
the well awareness to mental wellness and you know the number
one mental wellness. Is why don’t we start. At home home. Recognizing honoring appreciating who we
are home within yourself home your body. Realizing this is a temple. Your temple. And no one is allowed to enter
into this castle into this temple. Hopefully. Without your consent. Without you saying. This brings me joy. And I’m not talking
about the joy. And pleasure that is a worked
at you’re not understanding. So sometimes we have to really. Journey within. And the pains
and the sufferings. Not only you. May not be you may be someone you know that is going through some trauma
not understanding what’s going on. Embracing who we are embracing. The gifts of who we are. As humans. As girls. Realizing that we are so precious as
humans and girls boys it doesn’t matter. But it’s amazing. That ninety two percent of. Sexual assault happens. From the man to a woman. We all need to be
treated and healed. We all do. Today’s message is. I understand and appreciate
and accept who you are. And if we can start. Teaching. And. Enhancing the minds of our young girls and becoming more
aware of what’s happening. In the household. With the people we trust. The day that I told my mom. Of what had happened to
me when I was ten years old. She was in shock. The first thing she said was. It’s impossible. And then. Wide angel tell me then. But when you are vulnerable
when you are afraid. When you were in fear and you have been told. Be quiet. The can’t know. It affects you and
you hold onto it. And then you forget about it. But you know one thing that does not forget your body. The body does not forget the
body the muscles have memory. And the muscle has reactions. Because it’s not what happens at this
very moment it’s what happened then. That was
not healed. Now was not repaired. Not what it was not tended to. In that little girl. Kept quiet and suppressed
suppress the emotions. Suppressed. What has
happened. I’m not allowed to speak I’m not allowed to express am not allowed. I can’t. Because you don’t
want to hurt the person. And definitely you don’t want to stir up anything to hurt the family. The honor
the respect and definitely who
would believe me. Right. Who would believe me. So I better keep quiet. And you know the
ramifications of that. Is that we get to. This respect ourselves. Reject ourselves. And think that there is
something wrong with ourselves our body. Our emotions the way we act the way
we speak the way we are even.
My God. I’m not perfect I have to be perfect for
somebody else to like me I have to speak this way for somebody
else to like me or I don’t care for
anyone to like me a better isolate myself. A better put walls around me
because they can’t love me away. Unless
I do this or I give this or I give in or I am quiet all these scenarios go through a person that has
been trauma ties. So wearing a jacket. The just a signal is just an hour of
thing it’s like you can’t be happy because
happy from the outside. The to find a joy to find. Your own essence of knowing you matter. That you are more than enough. That your word of
no learning to know. And say know. The word and o. Is as good as. Y e s. Learn how to spell it learn to say it. Learn to honor
yourself without word and be okay with. And if they don’t
like it it’s okay. At least later you won’t go hurting yourself. Becoming more self destructive. In one form or another. Thinking that. I just got used. I got hurt. I got assaulted. Maybe I had something to do it. Maybe I didn’t say it out loud. Maybe I didn’t scream. Even though it was suppressed and shocked. And the hand was on my mouth. And I went limp. No one has the right. To enter. This temple of yours. Not emotionally physically nor. Bodily. I did say today’s message. Is about. Sensitive. But sensitive. Realizing that. It’s happening. Everywhere. And the homes. That have been
protected loved cared for. And the ones who
have never experience. Kudos to you. Then stand with US. Stand. With US. You know I always say. You’ve heard the cliched things do
not happen to you they happen for you. You know.
Years later. As I started doing this work. And when I got certified as
a domestic abuse consulting. And then I went and god thirty fight as a
stress management anger management. When I was doing
the hypnotherapy work of understanding why my body
was creating the ovarian cysts. Just to say no. Cause I couldn’t say no. My body. Did it. So tend to yourself. And I mean a. Come to understand
and appreciate when you are doing
all the self help books going to seminars. Understanding the why. Why do you want self help. It’s not only reading it. It’s understanding it. Peeling it away. And it’s not something. That some people
say are you going to find the secrets inside and I don’t want to say. Or share. I’m oven afraid of
what it’s going to. Be revealed. There is nothing to be
afraid if you placed it there. You did. You made a quiet. You made at height. You forgot. My healing came when I realized. Perhaps I was so
much of a light that. They needed to penetrate to
receive light for themselves. Then. That was the beginning and then I had to go deeper and deeper to heal. The wounds. It’s not something
we all talk about. Or share. But to express. Find a therapist. Find a coach. Find someone
that will just listen to you. Or. You can also write in the
privacy of your own home. Right all the things. That you want to express. Or you can come and see me. I am here for you. There is not a thing. Then we can’t. Talk about. I am here. Truly
to help you show up. Stand up and speak up. To express how you feel for you. Not for anybody else. So that you can stand up and when
we say stand up. When we say when I wrote the book stand
up to slim down is for you to stand up for you who you are so you can shed all that emotional garbage
all that weight of the emotional physical mental. Burdens. That you held onto. Standing up for who you are. And then so that you can light. The road. And see the road that you’re walking the path. In light and show up for yourself. So that you can glow with a gift
that you are. All because you matter and you are truly. Here for a reason. We all have a story right. But what is your story. Isn’t it time for you
to wear a jacket. And stand. In solidarity. For who you are. Thank you for. Being present. As always said. Adrian. Someone who is thing you should
be safe like a teacher but he or not yes
teacher. Clergy. There are so many. Those we trust. And what I want. Is to realize. That we it’s about time we start
trusting ourselves and our gut feelings. Right. So start taking care of yourself
your body your mind your spirit your beautiful for you are. Before the body breaks you down. And until next week. I truly. Thank You. For being here for being present and if this message resonates with
you by all means would you please share. Share with the ones who must hear this share the ones that may want to
wear their genes and understand the sick nikons of
the genes we were either torn up. Or tight it doesn’t matter. You’re wearing a for you. And sheriff. Subscribe. And be part of. Our three E community. My name is Lisa. And it’s about
time we heal within. And until next week. God bless you and made the universal light. Surround you. Bye