Overcoming Self-Doubt

Welcome to Heal Talk Tuesdays with Liza, where
transformation begins as we evoke, embrace, and evolve.
Greetings, greetings, greetings, and welcome to Heal Talk Tuesdays.
It’s so good to be here with you, isn’t it?
Wow, I understand where you are coming from
with all the chaos happening in the world.
Everything happening in Israel, everything
happening in Afghanistan, the war in Israel.
There is the war and everything happening in Armenia, Arthach,
and also the unfortunate earthquake that happened
in Afghanistan that over 2,500 people have died.
So, when we think about it, there is so much
chaos and doubt and misfortune happening.
And with all that, there are people who are making love, having babies getting married,
and saying, “Yes, to life and living.”. Yes, we can always
be prayerful and thoughtful of all that there is happening.
And the self-doubt that happens within ourselves
that I’m not doing enough, or I am wrong, or I didn’t deliver last week.
It’s already been a week I had an event after the event I was thinking to myself,
“Oh my God, I didn’t do this, do this, do this, this went wrong, that went wrong.”
So, when we come to think of it, we can always
find the fault, we can always see the negativity.
Actually, there are the three principles in life, and the
principles are of the mind, the consciousness, and thought.
That is the principle of life.
In a way, it’s my evoke embrace evolve, because
the mind in itself is the reality of it.
That’s what we need in order for everything to happen.
The consciousness is being aware of what is
happening in the world, what is happening around you,
what is happening within you.
That’s being conscious.
And the thought process is all the thoughts, ideas,
imagination, creation, everything that comes within this.
So, the three principles of the entire life and being is that.
And as I was thinking about all this and talking about it,
I thought of something, you know, in the work that I do.
And as a clinical hypnotherapist and being working
with my clients in managing stress and anxiety,
I was saying, I’m like, what would I be talking about today?
It’s that self-doubt, right?
And how do we debunk that?
And just like the way I work with my clients in taking them
into a state of remembering something where it stems from.
I remember this.
Now, imagine I’m about five years old.
I grew up in Iran, so our home, my parents are not home.
And at that time, five years old, my grandmother
was babysitting because they lived next door to us.
And grandma was chunky.
And so we’re sitting watching TV.
And I remember this couch my parents had.
It was like a triangle.
It was pointed like this and like a triangle.
So the round moon shape was to
the back on a triangle in the corner.
And the pointy part was out.
So two people could just easily sit there.
And grandma was sitting in this beautiful triangle moon shape chair couch.
We’re watching TV.
And I was sitting next to her.
I don’t know what happened.
I can’t remember everything.
But all I can remember is I got up and for whatever
reason, grandma was sitting more on one side.
And this entire couch, apparently, was not close to the wall.
It just flipped over.
And grandma hid her head to the wall.
The couch is open.
And I could see this little girl.
All I could see is grandma was like up in the air and just going like this.
And she is like in pain.
It’s like, oh, oh, and all I could see this little girl is watching grandma.
Her legs up.
Her jammies jammed up on her tummy or something.
And all I could do is laugh.
So as I am laughing, as this little girl is
laughing, grandma is in pain and calling for help.
And I reached out.
But I was not strong enough to pull the couch down.
And I’m doing everything.
But I couldn’t because she was heavy.
And this entire chair had flipped over.
I don’t remember how we turned the chair, the couch or grandpa came in health.
That was not the point.
It’s just for the longest time.
That little girl felt guilty for laughing and that I couldn’t help.
So I felt helpless.
And I all I could remember afterwards was being scolded of
either jumping out or not being able to help or laughing.
My all I could do was laugh.
And I know working with clients and seeing so many people
when we get nervous when I don’t know how you deal with it.
But there are so many people when they are nervous and they feel helpless.
They start laughing and giggling.
And of course, when something is funny, we also stop and laugh and we can’t help.
It’s just like the whole thing, it’s not about you anymore.
It’s about the laughter.
Why am I bringing this up?
Because that little incident, that little
guilt of I couldn’t help or I felt guilty.
It’s those invisible, unseen
guilt and shame and self-doubts
that come to build up within
ourselves and we hold on to those.
Now throughout the years, I’ve realized the little girl didn’t know any better.
But that indication and I don’t know if you have felt that
if you have by all means say yes or it resonates with you.
Do you deal with you or do you go into this fight or fight?
Do you, when here’s another one,
when we feel unheard and we want to
say something and we think that
the other person is not hearing us.
Our voice gets loud when we are
angry and we start the tone comes up.
And it’s not that we are angry at that person.
There’s an underlying
unseen, unmet, anger and hurt
inside that when something
triggers it, it all comes up.
So, the laughter, the giggles, the
loud speaking and thinking that I am
not seen, I am not heard and
creates a self-doubt when it is not met.
How do we deal with this? How do we share it? How do we fix it?
The bunking that self-doubt is the important step towards healing and
building the confidence, actually more than confidence that self-esteem.
Knowing that no matter what happened, you are valued, you are worthy. It was
not my fault even though I jumped off the couch and it was something funny
and I laughed and grabbed the laugh with me or when something triggers us,
it boils up into the level that the lid comes off and we get angry, right?
So, there are so many strategies to help you.
But most importantly is recognizing that self-doubt is normal. It is.
And we all experience it. We all experience it at some point in life.
And it is a natural reaction to challenging times,
challenging moments or times of uncertainty,
which is happening around the world, which is
happening in our motherland, in our country.
So, even in your house, it can be happening in your house, in your body, it’s the
uncertainties if someone has given you an
information, a news that it was not expected.
So, understanding all that and knowing
that there is a way to deal with it.
And first and foremost, is to identify the source.
And when I was doing it by own, if I can hypnotize myself
and I have seven root canals with no anesthesia, and I was
thinking, how do I go and empower that little girl and
make sure that she feels strong, that it was not her fault.
That yes, at that moment, that scene called for laughter and it’s okay to laugh.
And then once you overcome your shock, you go and tend to the reality.
And some people still don’t know how to deal with reality.
So, challenge the negative thoughts is another one.
First is recognizing and then challenge.
Was I really at fault?
No, I was a little girl.
I didn’t know any better.
So, it is not my fault.
You know, in, I know someone can say, but whose
fault is it when they do wrong? I recognize that.
We have to point finger at someone.
Someone has to be accountable.
But if we start with being accountable right
here and take ownership and it starts from home.
So, practice self-compassion just a little bit more kindness.
And when I started going down the road of, oh my god, the event was not right.
When I was doing my checkpoints, did I deliver?
And when I was looking at the videos, I was so loud.
Was I unkind?
At one point, it feels like I am dictating instead of kindness.
And it was in tears because all I wanted to
do was create a space of love and compassion in embracing.
And when that was not coming through, I was so
harsh with myself that all I did was beat myself up.
And that’s why I remembered the little girl and grandma.
And because for the longest time, I beat myself
up of why I got off the couch and why I couldn’t help grandma and I was laughing.
And, you know, this is exactly how it happens.
Something happens to you at that very moment
and just like a boomerang takes you to another
time and a place until you recognize, oh, this is where it’s stepped from.
But did it stem from there or that you’ve been
told, don’t be doing this because this is wrong.
That is wrong.
And this is bad.
And you know, the right and the wrong, the good and the bad, the black and the white,
and a baby falls, they look up and then they
get up and they go to their merry way when
they’re laughing or even puppies when they’re playing.
They have no understanding where they peeing or
anything or little kids when they’re playing.
They put their hands in their mouth, their toes
in their mouth and they’re so fragile and sweet.
And we allow them to just play.
And as we grow older, that’s where all the
do this and do that, the right and the wrong,
you have to be perfect, you have to do this comes in.
And so when we do this and self-doubt kicks
in, negative thoughts and I’m not good enough,
I didn’t do it enough, I didn’t wrong comes in.
We don’t give ourselves enough kindness and room for mistakes.
And that’s where this self-preservation comes in
that I can’t do wrong because of expectations,
because people are looking up to
me, because whatever reason, right?
And we forget the kindness.
So if you take few moments
and truly take few moments
and just allow yourself with
unconditional acceptance,
think of when you have been harsh on
yourself, harsh on your actions and reactions,
harsh on the things you thought you had to deliver and you had to be perfect.
And if you could just for today bring a touch of
kindness and remember that you’re in yourself,
that could be a child, it could be a teenager, even adult years,
a touch of kindness when we expect someone to be kind to us.
My question is, have you been kind to you?
I’m emotional right now
because all I can think about is,
we expect more to end, we
expect this battle of countries to end,
and one eggs another one and the other one,
it’s all territorial, it’s all this ego.
And here our own ego, our own self-expectations is the first one.
We have to acknowledge and understand if there are three
principles of our mind, of our consciousness and our thoughts,
how can we come to, yes, evoke this
entire idea of this is what is happening.
This is the reality, an embraced of reality
with kindness, this is where it happened.
And if I can be more loving to my reality
of being harsh on myself, becoming a parent,
should have could have would have to evolve
with more love, with more genuineness.
And have those realistic expectations met
because you come to focus on your strengths.
And if you have done wrong or you think
it was wrong because even that is a title,
you just be mindful, be prayerful, if you
meditate, if you pray, if you just take a moment,
just take a moment of self-reflection. That’s it.
Embality to yourself instead of
expecting others to validate you.
That’s the first rule. I always say self-acceptance,
self-pride, trumps everything, everything.
When you are proud of yourself, when you take
a test and you ace the test or be the test,
see the test, it doesn’t matter the grade, when
you pass the test, you are proud of yourself.
And then it comes, it hits, I could have should
have done this better, I knew the answers,
it doesn’t matter you passed it, it doesn’t
matter. Be proud, be happy, you pass the test.
And if you feel anxiety, let, I was going to say, let me help you because I can’t.
If there are limitations and blocks and everything, and you know,
I just had a client come in for the
same thing. That harsh, harsh labels,
I should have could have would have. So
helping yourself take accurate and saying,
“You know what? Okay, now what?” And
just for today, add a sprinkle of kindness.
And that’s what I did last night. I added a
sprinkle of kindness towards the little girl,
because it’s not happening now, it was then
I, before anyone else could have scolded me,
I scolded myself because, you know, that’s
called conditioning. When you walk on eggshells,
that’s called conditioning. It’s like, but where does that conditioning come from?
And those are the things I want you to realize. It’s not a part of your behavior,
before it is a routine, it’s not a routine until it is a habit, it’s not a habit,
until there is a form of conditioning, a pattern happening.
And those are the things that I work with my clients
to debunk all that. It’s like unraveling. So you can do this on your own today.
Take a piece of paper. If there is something
that is sitting heavy on you, on your heart,
on your body, that you believe you can’t see it. I’m here for
you, but you can start writing and when you start writing,
we’re thinking, it all comes to you. The same way as mine came
all the way from my event to all the way to being a little girl
at five years old and is just laughing and saying, “oops, right?”
So we learn from our mistakes and we put a full stop. When you come to evoking it,
you come to embrace the reality and you say, “this is where the buck stops.”
And if I have done this loop over and over and over each
time, it becomes easier and faster for you to recognize it.
Believe me, it becomes faster and easier for you
to recognize it and then you say, “that’s it.”
You start visualizing. This is where you come. You go
from here to here and now in order for you to evolve,
you start visualizing the success. What is it that you want?
And that’s when you take action. You visualize
and you say, “okay, this is what happened.”
This is where the buck stopped and
I’m done with this over. Now what?
We learn from our mistakes. That’s what
learning is. So we’re not repeating it anymore.
And every time you become aware and you surround
yourself with more genuine
kindness towards yourself,
you do the buck self-doubt. And
overcoming self-doubt is truly a process.
That’s all. It’s just an everyday process. You are
so amazing. This is exactly what I needed to hear.
Well, you are welcome because I needed to hear that
and I had to go through my own self-kindness and love.
So I hope today’s message was beneficial to
you or someone you know needed to hear this.
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And I want to thank you for being part of Hillcock Tuesdays every
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and I can’t wait to share it with you. So until then, God bless you.
I made a universal light surround you in all your loved ones in
our country and around the world globally. See you next month.